It has been a very long time since I have written anything. I have got my application for the Beit Din and

have written a 1000 word letter to accompany it. I went to a challah baking class with a local Rebbetzin and had

a wonderful time. The more opportunities I have to spend with religious Jewish people the more spiritually connected I feel.

The image is of the pillow I made as a wedding gift for a lovely man I met at Chabad just prior to his wedding.

The trees of knowledge and life are in the centre, the night symbolises that G-d created the night first.
The pomegranates symbolise life and fertility. I added some red beads to the pomegranates and some gold thread. The buildings smbolise Jerusalem and the Kotel is symbolised by the brick wall to the left.

I have not written on here for some time now, I started a new job and have moved house.
I do think about Judaism every day and often have people at work ask me whether I am Jewish. The answer is yes and no. I feel that I am to the core Jewish, but I was not born Jewish. I do not lie to them but I feel upset every time i have to say that im not actually technically jewish.
I am eating kosher about 80% of the time, meaning I dont eat meat and milk, pork, shellfish or any forbidden animals; but i do eat products without kosher approval like olives and biscuits. It is just not very easy to get these products in the place I live, which i why I need to move.
I plan to move to a bigger jewish community in Australia but am still saving up to do so.

I am sorry I dont have much to say, most of what is happening is in my head and for the moment needs to stay there until I can figure out what I should type on here.

To many it might seem a little odd that I am writing about how I want to convert and have not yet found a Rebbe to help me. Well this is for many reasons, I am very shy when it comes to meeting new people. However once I am friends I never shuttup. I am also looking for employment so as I don't have an income I cannot repay people for any assistance I recieve from the jewish community. I also cannot buy the necessary books to study.I also live with my mother who is not converting and it is dfficult for me to ask her to keep kosher or keep the kitchen kosher as it is not my place to say this.

For me it feels as though there is nothing that can stop me from converting, but situationally I'm not prepared.
However I feel as though I must convert and whilst you could say I have a choice not to convert, I feel that I do not, that
I must convert.

I am deeply interested in how other people feel about this, but do not yet have any readers on the blog.

Challah

This is an image of the first challah I ever baked. I was suitably impressed with it at the time.
But with practice I am getting my braiding much better. I am hoping that one day I wil be able to serve some of my challah to the Rebbetzin I speak of in earlier posts.

Synagogue

Last week I visited a Synagogue in the city centre on Friday for the service. I had never visited it before, and had only been to a different orthodox synagogue about an hour away. For reasons of privacy I will call this synagogue shtayim and the first one I attended ah'at.

Whilst both orthodox, there were many differences that I had noticed. The first one (ah'at) I visited was on Shabbat morning and was filled with many men and women. Initally there were only a handful on women and many men, but as the service continued more women attended and their children.

This shul was filled with many Chassidic and frum people. The Rebbe told wonderful jokes and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. They all sang wonderful songs and I met some lovely, caring people.

The second shul (shtayim) was not as full, excluding my hebrew class who also attended. Im not sure if this is because it was Shabbos eve and therefore people were at home having Shabbos dinners or if the people from the city don't attend shul on Friday. It was also much grander than (ah'at) and there was a definite difference in the way the Rebbe spoke. The congregation also continually spoke through the service as opposed to the (ah'at) other shul. Whilst at the ah'at shul people embraced and greeted the others they did it in a quiet way without disturbing the other members.

I feel as though I should continue attending the (ah'at) first shul because I made many more sincere connections with the people there. Meeting two Rebbe's and the most wonderful Rebbetzin and her son.

One Step Closer

The week of Pesach I decided to write a letter to the Rebbetzin who I spoke to at Chabad earlier in the year. I wanted to thank her for the warmth of her welcome, the lunch her family provided to me for nothin, and for the conversation. I wanted to show how much it meant to me, so I typed the letter up on a typewriter I was given by a friend of mine. I posted the letter and hoped I would hear from the Rebbetzin.

Pesach came and went and I was feeling very glad I had written the letter. Whilst I had expected to hear from the Rebbetzin, only because of her wonderful character and warmth; I was not expecting anything from her. However last week (Thursday) I went to bed and found a voicemail on my mobile phone. It was a message from the Rebbetzin thanking me, and inviting me back to Chabad House to continue our discussions.

I could not think of anything more than how happy I felt. I plan on taking her invitation up, and hope I can further my education in Judaism. If she ever reads this I would hope she realises how wonderful I think her whole family are and how much that my first contact with her family meant to me.

Hebrew lessons and Yiddishe Neshomeh

I take modern Hebrew classes at a University close to where I live, with a wonderful teacher from Israel. I really enjoy learning Hebrew and cannot wait until I can fluently read my siddur in Hebrew. I haven't told anybody in my class that I am deeply interest in converting, but I think atleast a few of them have caught on, as I know basic hebrew prayers and bracha and dress tznius (modestly) . All the people in my class are lovely and I would not have a problem with them knowing I am interested in Judaism.

I would also like to explain the reason for my blog being titled Yiddishe Neshomeh, now as someone from a non-jewish background I do not speak fluent Yiddish, however I wanted to convey my feelings of being Jewish in my blog's name. I googled some terms and found neshomeh (soul - spirit) and neshomeleh (sweet soul - sweetheart) and yiddishe (Jewish). I thought there was too much self flattery if i titled this blog neshomeleh because whilst I do think I am a caring and nice person, I think it would be too much to say sweetheart/sweet soul; but i think yiddishe neshomeh soul is an honest description of how I feel. I hope that nobody finds it offensive for me to say I feel I have a jewish soul, because I deeply respect Jewish culture and it's people.

Holocaust Memorial Day

Tomorrow is Holocaust Remembrance Day (Yom Hashoah).
I will light a candle and remember all the people who
perished in the Holocast as well as, the people who survived
but live in the memory of what happened.
The Israeli government will read the names of
all the Holocaust
victims.

This leads me to think about a question I am asked about my
conversion. How do I feel about the awareness/realisation that I could
be persecuted against because of my choice to join the
Jewish people. Initially I immediately thought not of myself
but of my (future) children. How do I feel about the possibility
of my children or grandchildren getting hurt or killed
because of my conversion.

It's not an easy thing to answer, because whilst I have been
treated badly because I was either too smart, or overweight,
or because I didn't fit in (mainly because I was more mature
than the kids my age). I have never felt hatred because of what
or who I am. I am willing to accept that their are some people
in the world who hate Jewish people, for just being Jewish.
I have thought deeply about how I feel, and because I feel
that I have a Jewish soul (See Deuteronomy -Devarim 29-13:14)
everything comes from this.

I can't think about not converting, it would feel like
missing a huge part of myself.I have chosen to join
the Jewish people and believe that my children would be
born Jewish. I would only hope they would they never be
attacked because of who they are. But I know they
would never be alone.

Tomorrow night I will light a candle and remember, and more than
anything I will pray that anything like the Holocaust will never ever
happen again.

First Post jitters

This being my first post I am somewhat uncertain of what to write.
I have been interested in Judaism since I was around 7.
My first encounter with Judaism was whilst watching
a television show which focussed on an Orthodox Jewish mother.
She was talking about keeping kosher in her house.
I remember thinking how beautiful it all seemed.
(this from a 7 year old) I thought it sounded nice to have rules
that reminded you that G-d was in your life,
making something as simple as eating holy.

I hadn't seriously considered converting to Judaism until
I was close to 20 years old. I had however whether consciously or
subconsciously kept reading or watching documentaries about Judaism.

I have been to synagogue only once, and was invited to Chabad
by a visiting Rabbi, his wonderful wife and 6 year old son.
I briefly discussed converting to Judaism with the Rebbetzin,
but since have not been back. This is due to a number of things
mainly being the travel required. I do not live close to the synagogue
and as I do not drive I find it difficult getting there.
I am also a shy person and find it difficult to talk to people.

I think I'll leave it there for now, and tell some more of my story later.