One Step Closer

The week of Pesach I decided to write a letter to the Rebbetzin who I spoke to at Chabad earlier in the year. I wanted to thank her for the warmth of her welcome, the lunch her family provided to me for nothin, and for the conversation. I wanted to show how much it meant to me, so I typed the letter up on a typewriter I was given by a friend of mine. I posted the letter and hoped I would hear from the Rebbetzin.

Pesach came and went and I was feeling very glad I had written the letter. Whilst I had expected to hear from the Rebbetzin, only because of her wonderful character and warmth; I was not expecting anything from her. However last week (Thursday) I went to bed and found a voicemail on my mobile phone. It was a message from the Rebbetzin thanking me, and inviting me back to Chabad House to continue our discussions.

I could not think of anything more than how happy I felt. I plan on taking her invitation up, and hope I can further my education in Judaism. If she ever reads this I would hope she realises how wonderful I think her whole family are and how much that my first contact with her family meant to me.

Hebrew lessons and Yiddishe Neshomeh

I take modern Hebrew classes at a University close to where I live, with a wonderful teacher from Israel. I really enjoy learning Hebrew and cannot wait until I can fluently read my siddur in Hebrew. I haven't told anybody in my class that I am deeply interest in converting, but I think atleast a few of them have caught on, as I know basic hebrew prayers and bracha and dress tznius (modestly) . All the people in my class are lovely and I would not have a problem with them knowing I am interested in Judaism.

I would also like to explain the reason for my blog being titled Yiddishe Neshomeh, now as someone from a non-jewish background I do not speak fluent Yiddish, however I wanted to convey my feelings of being Jewish in my blog's name. I googled some terms and found neshomeh (soul - spirit) and neshomeleh (sweet soul - sweetheart) and yiddishe (Jewish). I thought there was too much self flattery if i titled this blog neshomeleh because whilst I do think I am a caring and nice person, I think it would be too much to say sweetheart/sweet soul; but i think yiddishe neshomeh soul is an honest description of how I feel. I hope that nobody finds it offensive for me to say I feel I have a jewish soul, because I deeply respect Jewish culture and it's people.

Holocaust Memorial Day

Tomorrow is Holocaust Remembrance Day (Yom Hashoah).
I will light a candle and remember all the people who
perished in the Holocast as well as, the people who survived
but live in the memory of what happened.
The Israeli government will read the names of
all the Holocaust
victims.

This leads me to think about a question I am asked about my
conversion. How do I feel about the awareness/realisation that I could
be persecuted against because of my choice to join the
Jewish people. Initially I immediately thought not of myself
but of my (future) children. How do I feel about the possibility
of my children or grandchildren getting hurt or killed
because of my conversion.

It's not an easy thing to answer, because whilst I have been
treated badly because I was either too smart, or overweight,
or because I didn't fit in (mainly because I was more mature
than the kids my age). I have never felt hatred because of what
or who I am. I am willing to accept that their are some people
in the world who hate Jewish people, for just being Jewish.
I have thought deeply about how I feel, and because I feel
that I have a Jewish soul (See Deuteronomy -Devarim 29-13:14)
everything comes from this.

I can't think about not converting, it would feel like
missing a huge part of myself.I have chosen to join
the Jewish people and believe that my children would be
born Jewish. I would only hope they would they never be
attacked because of who they are. But I know they
would never be alone.

Tomorrow night I will light a candle and remember, and more than
anything I will pray that anything like the Holocaust will never ever
happen again.

First Post jitters

This being my first post I am somewhat uncertain of what to write.
I have been interested in Judaism since I was around 7.
My first encounter with Judaism was whilst watching
a television show which focussed on an Orthodox Jewish mother.
She was talking about keeping kosher in her house.
I remember thinking how beautiful it all seemed.
(this from a 7 year old) I thought it sounded nice to have rules
that reminded you that G-d was in your life,
making something as simple as eating holy.

I hadn't seriously considered converting to Judaism until
I was close to 20 years old. I had however whether consciously or
subconsciously kept reading or watching documentaries about Judaism.

I have been to synagogue only once, and was invited to Chabad
by a visiting Rabbi, his wonderful wife and 6 year old son.
I briefly discussed converting to Judaism with the Rebbetzin,
but since have not been back. This is due to a number of things
mainly being the travel required. I do not live close to the synagogue
and as I do not drive I find it difficult getting there.
I am also a shy person and find it difficult to talk to people.

I think I'll leave it there for now, and tell some more of my story later.